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I havn't posted anything here since 2007.

Probably should get on that, huh?

wow. everything has been happening so fast lately! i wish i had time to update on a daily basis, but hey, you get what you get. WARNING: this is going to be completely random.

katie and i have been trying to take advantage of our summer.. we've been kayaking multiple times, played lazer tag, went bowling, and we just got done touring with and working for the Florida warped tour dates!

Warped tour was a lot of fun but a lot of work. it was hot, sweaty, and dirty, but i totally loved it.. because, who can really say they toured with warped??! yeah, us.

my sister's birthday was a lot of fun too.. we went jetskiing, which was awesome! then we went to the melting pot for dessert... yummmm!

apparently my mom now has two professional baseball players living in her house... god, that woman is so strange.

katie and i are leaving wednesday after i get off of work to go to daytona until friday night... its going to be so relaxing and i can't wait! plus, we're going to see hairspray, which will be an adventure.

my boss is going to be out of town for like 2 weeks, and i'll be in charge of the business, so it might be a little crazy... or a little boring, i'm not quite sure yet.

i'm supposed to dye lauren's hair tonight. yup.

i got 4 free tickets to the sold out less than jake/ reel big fish show tomorrow at jannus... because i rock. lol. i can't wait to see kripps! i love that kid, its always so long between times that i see him! :(

OMG! Jeffy is coming to florida!!!!!! holy crap, i cannot wait!!

my birthday is in....1 week and 6 days!!

sooooo..... for my birthday, here is the plan:
- We're (like 20 of us, I'll invite you if I like you), are going to go camping on a big reserve and get drunk and chill on the beach during the day and play capture the flag at night, which will be fucking awesome! I'm totally stoked. Everyone has to bring like $25 for camping fees, gas, food, and liquor.. or you can't come because its not cheap. We're going like August 6-7 I think. I'll let you know more details once Steven and I plan them out... tentatively, here is the invite list:

-Katie&Mike -Adie&John -Dan -Scotty -Kevin -Alex -Steven&Trish -Lester -Lauren -Nestor -Billy (Lange!) -Patrick -Paul -Laila -Karissa -Cameron -Thomas -Adam -Jeffy (if you're in town by then) -Tommy -Clare -&& all Soulfound, Truly Sunday, Ten 13 Concept, Ace Kids, and GG members who can/ want to make it! (if I forgot you, I'm sorry... you're probably invited.)

Seriously, don't come if:
-you create, become part of, or encourage drama
-you can't hold your liquor
-you don't want to have fun
-you complain a lot
-you're broke
-you seclude yourself.

I just want to have a really fun birthday party and forget how old I'm turning!!

Lost my phone tonight...

need EVERYONE'S numbers.

:( lame.

My week in Connecticut has been busy, fun, and exhausting. I need a vacation after my vacation, if you know what I mean. Every single day has been ridiculously busy. I also have not dared to step on a scale, because the entire week has revolved around food and I am absolutly disgusted with myself for how much I have eaten. Once I get home, I'm going on a fast and a cleanse, I have to regain some control.

Tuesday, June 19
Well, my vacation started off on a bad note, me forgetting my bridesmaids dress in Florida.. and the cost of overnight mail? $100. Yup, $100. Fucking insane, but I had no choice. Then, when I was in the airport, Laila and I were walking, and I tripped over some lady's bag and did a complete faceplant in front of about 150 people. It was hilarious because everyone turned around and gasped. I was rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that I couldn't get up. The plane was totally sold out so every seat was taken. I am sooo claustrophobic, I can't handle it. Ug. My godparents picked us up from the airport in Rhode Island, and we drove to Connecticut to my grandparents house in Guilford. We ate dinner there and then my mom and I drove to New Haven, to stay at my aunt and uncle's house. Laila pretty much ditched me for the whole week to hang out with my cousin, Bryanna, so I was stuck with my mom [Thanks Luh].

Wednesday, June 20
I spent Wednesday with my mom, getting ready for the bridal shower. We had to get all the food ready and pick up the cake from the Italian bakery and crap. We went and decorated Guilford's fire station, which was such a cool place to have a party. They're all volunteers here, so unless they have a call, theres no one actually at the station, and since my uncle is a firefighter, we got to use the building. Way cool. Anyways, the party was tons of fun. Very simple and family-like, but we played some fun games like making wedding dresses out of toilet paper and stuff, which was fucking hilarious to see my grandmother wrapped in.

Thursday, June 21
Thursday I went to have lunch with my crazy Italian great-aunt in Orange, which is always an adventure. She's the most hilarious old lady I've ever met, and the only English words that come out of her mouth are cuss words, which cracks me up. That, and she always yells at me to "eat a fucking sangwitch". She cooked us the absolute biggest Italian lunch ever, and she pretty much force-fed me for 2 hours... flipping out when I told her I havn't eaten meat in like 13 years. I couldn't handle it. We left there and went to my grandparents, only to find out that they had made a huge dinner because everyone else started arriving in town that day. And see, in my family, eating is not optional. You will eat it, and you will like it, or someone will kill you. My body physically could not handle it, I felt so fucking sick. To be completely honest, I don't remember which day the wedding rehersal was, so I'm sticking it here, lmao.

Friday, June 22
I woke up Friday to my cousin's then-fiance telling me that he would be there in 10 minutes to pick me up. Not the best way to wake up. I went to my cousin's hair and makeup preview, which took like a really long time, but of course she looked fabulous in the end. (Duh, because she could be a fucking model anyways). Then her and one of her other bridesmaids went to get their nails done, so I went and bought myself roses. Why? Well, because I have no one to buy me flowers, so I buy them for myself. lol Then we went and had a big family picnic, which got rained on :(

Saturday, June 23
Saturday was finally the wedding. I had to wake up at 6am to get our hair done. I had to tape my tits to get them to stay in the dress, haha. The ceremony was beautiful and short! The reception was SO much fun, I danced for 4 hours. My family is crazy, but at least they're fun! I hope the wedding photos come out good!! Can't wait to see them. After I left the wedding, I was exhausted, but my godmother took me to see The Doobie Brothers and Lynyrd Skynyrd in Hartford. It was great concert, but I've never seen so many peopleat a concet in my life! It was insane.

Sunday, June 24
Today we had a bbq/picnic for my cousin Jessica's high school graduation. It was fun, we played a Hawley family trivia game, which was hilarious (I kicked ass, lol). It was the last family thing we had planned for the week.. everyday has been non-stop! Afterwards, my cousin Nic and I went to the movies and saw the new Angelina Jolie movie. It was good but really depressing! :(

Tomorrow is my one-and-only day with nothing to do, so I think Im going to spend the day at the mall. Wish I had money, lol. I come home Tuesday night, boo. Then I have to go straight back to work on Wednesday. Wish my vacation was longer, because God knows I havn't relaxed at all!!

My mom isn't coming back with Laila and I, she's going straight to Ireland for a week. A weird place to want to visit, I know.

I'll share all my photos once I get back to Florida! Miss you all, see you soon!! XOXO
june 14, 2007.
life life life.

let's see... Tuesday I started tanning, thank you Adie for the giftcard!! <3 Then I went to Brandon to my cousin and her fiance's house (which I love, btw) to have dinner. Tuesday night was fun. John, Dan, and I went to the park on 22nd- randomly to go swinging. Dan thought it would be a good idea to break into the pool and go swimming.. so we did! hah. John went first, it was so funny to see him scale the fence, look around for cameras, and then go running full speed ahead, ripping his shoes off and then climbing the high dive to jump off. Then me and Dan scaled the fence. I took my pants off, haha- just made it that much more fun. I tried to do a dive off of the high dive, but i bent too much so I pretty much flipped and the back of my legs smacked the water so fucking hard... and now I have a big (like literally 5 inches) ass bruise on the back of my thigh. It was a good time, though- and we never got caught, which is pretty rad. Stupid park people should have higher than a ten foot fence if they really want to keep people out. ..duh.

Wednesday I worked then went tanning and then cleaned my apartment! God, it looks so much better. I've declared no more parties at my apartment because my friends are wreckers. I need to buy a new frame for my bed... seriously. Then I bought wedding gifts for Jade and Jason. Can't believe the wedding is this weekend. Holy crap.

Today I went with Steven to the funeral home to get him a job.. thank god! Seriously, my life will improve 400% having someone else on my shift, especially one of my friends. All he has to do is piss in a cup and we're all set. Yup. ;) Then I went tanning again, hopefully I look darker (so hard to tell looking at yourself), because I don't want to stick out like a sore thumb in the wedding photos, Stef is so tan, damnit! Then I cleaned all of the shit out of my car... ALL of it! I know, I know- its hard to believe. Still need to vaccuum and wash it, but hey, at least now I can fit more than one person in my 5-seater car, lol. When I got done with that I ran to see Bere for Adam ;) ;) Then when I got home my fucking power went out for an hour and a half, fucking shit. I was like omg, wtf? So I had to call the power company and sit around for them to come fix whateverthefuck they fucked up. Pretty pissed because I wanted to go over to Ashleys and drink with everyone from work, but no, I sat in the dark waiting for a fat guy to turn on my power. Ugh. Anyways.

Tomorrow I have to go to my mom's house because, like I said, when I moved out like 3 years ago, I never cleaned it, so now I have to go clean my room haha. Then I have a nail appointment (yay- really need this, you have no idea), and THENNNN.... me, Laila, and Adam are FINALLY going to the Academy Is..., Plus 44, and Fallout Boy show!! I'm stoked. It shall be fun fun. I also meed to buy my dad something for Father's Day. Damn, I have to take money out of my savings account for this month, thats ridiculous. Fuck. OH SHIT, my rent is due tomorrow too. Crap.

Nick finally arrived!! Ah, I'm so excited to party with him! Just fucking wish it wasn't like the busiest week of my summer! Jeez.

Then I work on Saturday 8-4, then its Jade's wedding (I'll make it to the reception). Then Sunday work 8-4, then probably go to the park and grill with my dad for Father's Day. Then hopefully get to at least fucking stop by Nick's to see him for a quick minute. Then Monday work and pack!!!! Then I'll probably stay at my mom's house Monday night because the limo is coming at like 9 am to pick us up for the airport on Tuesday (which is Adam's birthday, so if you know him, share a blunt or something, would ya? lol, he's an old man now!)

So I'm totally freaking out because my fucking ipod broke and now I have NOTHING TO LISTEN TO the entire way there and back on the plane, so I might have a panic attack like I did the last time I flew. (not from flying, trust me, but because I am so insanely claustrophobic and I really hate sharing my oxygen with that many people in an enclosed space, I feel like I can't breathe... so if you having any anti-anxiety meds.. help a sister out, would ya?!?!?) Ugggg, I really don't know what I'm going to do with no music. This is suicide. Plus, no smoking (no cigs) for the whole week I'm in CT because I'll be with my mom and she will flip a shit. AHHHHHH, kill me.

Buuuutttttttt- I am still excited as hell to go. I can't wait. It is going to be great to not have to work or worry about anything for an entire week. Everyone in the 727 can kiss my ass that week, I'm turning my phone off and having a relaxing vacay! woohoo. Actually, in all reality, its going to be a very busy week. So much to do for the wedding... I can't wait to get all pretty! I'll post photos when I get back, duh.

And I'm bored of typing paragraphs, time for lists:

1. Need to pay rent tomorrow.
2. It gets too hot in my apartment, I need another a/c.
3. The Peace Corps will not leave my head, its beginning to become a serious plan.
4. I hope I don't trip walking up the aisle.
5. I'm drinking at the wedding even if my mom is there, fuck it.
6. Steven needs to take his drug test tomorrow.
7. I've been waiting for this concert forever, I might faint when Travis walks on stage.
8. Working at Warped Tour is going to be sick, I'm stoked.
9. Dishes are my least favorite chore.
10. I need to start actually journaling again.
11. I need to buy a new shower head for my shower.
12. I'm a list person.
13. Hey people- stop dating your exs!
14. I still can't find my bubbler. :(
15. But I found Adie's wallet, Adie's camera, and Jackie's phone case.
16. I HATE when Katie leaves. Especially when she turns her phone off.
17. Yeah, I'm done.

im just really irritated right now and feel like venting.

first of all, my mother fucking pisses me off. right now, i have nothing nice to say to her or about her. all she does is put me down and put me in a worse mood. she thinks shes perfect, and shes the only one on the planet who knows how to have a "successful" life, which is fucking ridiculous because she's one of the most miserable people i know. just because i dont feel like living my life exactly how she lived hers does not mean that i am doing anything wrong. ive got my shit together, just not how she wants it.

also, i am so completely sick of being criticised by people, im tired of being judged. go find something better to do with yourself. no one cares what you think. i dont change myself for you, havnt you caught on by now? let me live my life, i let you live yours.

i think i just need a serious break from people. ive realized that its never me that makes my life miserable, it only happens when someone else interferes.

im at a point now where im ready for a life make-over, im ready to quit living the way that people expect me to live. im tired of living safely, im ready to do what I want to do, when i want to do it, and because i want to do it. seriously, people are so quick to jump into these safe little routines and patterns and end up unhappy. YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE! fucking do something with it. im sick of everyone, just go away.


ps: i know you think you know what this was about, when actually you have absolutely no idea. see what i mean about judging?

i cannot wait to go to connecticut for my cousin's wedding. its going to be so much fun and dear god i need a vacation.
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ive just been so busy lately, i feel like i never catch a break. even when i don't have a committment like work, i have SO much to do. i 'grounded' myself today and actually cleaned pretty much non-stop, but im still not entirely unpacked. its ridiculous.

there are tons of people i promised myself i would catch up with this summer, and i havnt seen any of them.

plus im always broke, thanks to gas prices. i have an opportunity to work more hours at one of my jobs, but i don't even have time available to do it! ahhhhhhhh, crap.
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i also feel like im always complaining about the same crap. i wish i could take a sabbatical!

ill be gone june 19-26, so before i leave i want to make sure everything is in order, so maybe ill have more free time when i get home. i worked on my apartment today, but i need to finish it. i need to totally empty out my car (seriously you have no idea how much crap is in it, i can only fit one more person in my 5-seater car) & wash it. it would also be nice to actually fill my gas tank for once instead of having to stop every day since i only have enough money for like 3 gallons. my mom has also been bugging me to clean out my old bedroom at her house. ive been living on my own for like 2.5 years now and i still havn't cleaned my room! haha, yeah its pathetic.

i have an appointment thursday to get my car checked out, since my service engine soon light has been on since sunday- joy. i also need to get a quote from another place on fixing my power window so everything doesn't get soaked like it did last weekend! i was quoted an obscene amount of money last time, hopefully a different place won't try to rip me off. wow, i love being poor.

i also have an appointment on thursday to get my eyebrows done (electrolisis is like a 5-year committment, btw), and then on friday the 15th i have a nail appointment with my sister and my mom to get our nails did before we leave. i need to give myself a haircut too, because i want it to look super pretty in the wedding! then that night is FINALLY the fall out boy/ plus 44/ academy is show that was postponed from 4/20. adams still coming to that, im glad.

a week from today im going over my cousins house to try out this makeup that covers up tattoos b/c she doesnt want it to show with her gown.. anyone have experience with that shit??

i have a giftcard for a weeks worth of free tanning, thanks adie, and i need to go like the week before i leave, just hopefully i wont get burned because that would realllllyyyyyy suck with my blue strapless gown.
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nick gets here friday-- yayyyyyyyy!!! ive been waiting FOREVERRR!

katie and chrissy came over last night and we had a girls night and then pigged out at applebees, i felt DISGUSTING afterwards & really wanted to purge but couldn't. the night was a lot of fun.. i miss everyone from high school, holy shit.

this is a totally random blog. i apologize.

time for a bath.
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peace out, fools.
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007:

Well, dear, let me see what you've been missing.

Moved into my new apartment like, 2 weeks ago, and still have not even attempted to unpack. Its pathetic. I've had like 3 parties here so far, and all of my shit is still sitting in boxes.

Been in party mode lately, which I can't complain about. My body keeps trying to reject the poison I feed it, but at least I'm losing weight.

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I've never been much of a drinker, but lately I've found comfort at the bottom of the bottle, and it feels good. I see no point in spending money on anything other than what feels good.

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We act a fool.

My new bed is quite possibly the best thing to happen to me. Ever since I bought it, I've only spent 2 nights alone in it.. yeah, its that comfortable.
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Adam and I are on good terms, we've hung out a few times and talk on the phone every few days. I feel great about that, I truly do. I'm finally in a happy place. So, no one better fuck it up.

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I haven't had much time (or gas money, goddamn these fucking prices) to hang out with Laila. I can't wait for the day that she starts driving. Know whats cool? Her birthday this year lands on 07-07-07, and she's the luckiest person I've ever met. Too bad its not her 18th, or I'd make her buy some lottery tickets!

I'm leaving June 19th (Adam's birthday actually) to go up to Connecticut for a week to be in my cousin's wedding. I'm so excited! I've always wanted to be in a wedding, plus its going to be great to have a week's vacation!!! My dress is gorgeous, I can't wait to get all dressed up, thats my favorite thing to do. But, HELP! I can't decide what to do with my hair!!

This summer has been pretty good so far, which is what I had hoped. It started off so shitty, but I'm really trying to make the best out of every situation that comes my way. Meeting new people and making new friends, and I don't want the party to stop!

The only thing thats been shitty lately is my grandfather's health. I am so close to that man and I love him so much, I really don't want to deal with this shit. I just found out that he's been diagnosed with prostate cancer, which wouldn't be so bad, but just a few months ago he had a triple bypass surgery on his heart, and the year before that he fell off the second story roof. He's been such a trooper so far, but the man is almost 90 years old... its so shitty to think about.
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But I'm being positive. For him.

Work has been lame lately.. the funeral parlor. I'm just so sick of working on my shift alone, and I'm super sick of working all weekend, every weekend. Does anyone need a job?? I really really need to find a partner. You'd be picking up bodies, from tons of different places, you get to drive around by yourself in a van, its a chill job, very low stress, ok money (9-10/hr), you have to wear a suit, pass a drug test (ahem, i did! detox baby), and have a drivers license. We're hiring for the shift (mine) Saturday and Sunday 8am-4pm. Plus.. you get to hang out with me all day.. cool, huh?

Alright, I'm sick of typing. Maybe I'll post a list later.. maybe I won't.

I'm one of those people who collect random facts in their head, but who doesn't remember anything that makes a difference. Anyways, these are all random things I know, don't ask why, and don't ask me why I'm posting them.. I just thought you might be interested! What do you know..??

-Victor Feguer (the last guy to be put to death in Iowa)'s last meal was a single olive, and he was buried with the pit in his pocket... I wish I knew why.

-Timothy McVeigh's last meal was 2 pints of Ben &Jerry's ice cream.. mint chocolate chip I believe.

-In Florida, unmarried couples who live together can be charged with a second degree misdemeanor.. although its probably one of those laws that wouldn't even win in court, but still...

-More people commit suicide on Mondays than any other day.

-A female kangaroo is called a "flyer", thank you snapple for that fact (and lol @ nick for trying to guess for like an hour!)

-The only word in the English language that contains 3 sets of double letters in a row is BOOKKEEPER.. my mom taught me that one.

-The longest word in the English language is antidisestablishmentarianism.

-Don't know if this statistic is still correct, but the average human being gets hit by lightning 11 times in their life, but rarely ever feel it.. most of the time its ground lightning.

-In Australia, there are 2 times as many kangaroos as there are people. (thats awesome!)

-White-out was invented by the mother of one of the band members of The Monkees.

-Hitler only had one testicle.. which means he was probably compensating.

-"uxoricide" is the proper term for murdering your wife.

//my thoughts.

tell me the facts that you know.
Welcome to Paradise.Collapse )
Life has been so insane lately that I haven't even wanted to type it all out, but here goes the synopsis.

Friday 4/27:: First day off, school was done. Went to look at new apartments. Went to see Soulfound at State Theatre with Katie & Adie. Katie & I got really dressed up, I finally had a reason to wear my new zebra print dress, which made me very happy. Saw John. There was a huge dramatic mess at the end of the night, which is over & done now, so no need for discussion, but point being- I got no sleep.

Saturday 4/28:: Worked 8-4. While I was at work, Adam called & broke up with me because he's "not attracted" to me anymore, which felt super-fantastic, let me tell you. 3 1/2 years, done. Last time.

Sunday 4/29:: Worked 8-4. Very busy weekend at work. After work I drove back to St.Pete but then Nick & I decided to meet Thomas on the Dunedin Causeway to watch him spin poi. It was a really chill night. Drove back to St.Pete.

Monday 4/30:: Worked 10:3-??. Met up with Jade & Jason in Clearwater at a hookah bar. Chilled there for awhile, then went to Edgewater Park. Then we dropped Jason off and Jade and I spent a few hours driving around in creepy neighborhoods talking about the good ol days (which I REALLY REALLY miss, by the way). It was a good night. Drove back to St.Pete.

Tuesday 5/1:: Day off. Slept til 3pm, it was awesome. My landlord took me to look at new apartments, fell in love with one. Drove over to pick up Nick, Jackie, Adie, & Mike, then drove to Tampa to Katie's for a party. Tons of people there who I didn't know. Everyone got really drunk, especially Mike. I was DD. Drove them home.

Wednesday 5/2:: worked 10:30-??. Drove over to Adie's house. John was there, we went to the park. They started "going out" (congrats). Drove to Nick's house, then me, Nick & Adie drove around for over an hour, very lost. I got so frustrated, had to roll up the windows to scream bloody murder. We went back & chilled at my apartment.

Thursday 5/3:: Day off. Did errands & crap. My landlord told me that they rented out the apartment that I wanted before I could sign the lease. Fuck. Then drove to Tampa to Katie's house, we got ready & then met Chrissy at the Meridian hookah bar. Pretty uneventful. Spent the night at Katie's.

Friday 5/4:: Day off. Drove from Katie's house in Tampa to pick up Laila in Palm Harbor, then drove back to St.Pete to go the beach. Chilled there for awhile. Came back to my apartment, got ready & then drove BACK to Tampa to the CHRISTINA AGUILERA concert!! (Fucking amazing, holy shit- I literally almost fainted.) While I was at the concert, I kept getting calls from a number I didn't know. Turned out to be John & Adie, they left a voicemail. They got dropped off at my apartment, ASSUMING that they could stay there for the night (even though, ahem.. they knew I had to work at asscrackdawn the next day), neither of them drive or have a phone. Turns out I wasn't going home that night, because I had Laila with me, so I just drove from Tampa to Palm Harbor & stayed there. I didn't have a way to contact them, turns out they stayed at my neighbor's (who I don't know) and got wasted.

Saturday 5/5:: Cinco de Mayo; didn't celebrate. Katie left to go to Ireland for 2 weeks :( Worked 8-4. Crazy day. The garage door broke, where we load the bodies in from, so we had to wheel them in the main doors, quite a sight to behold. Then I was picking up a body at a hospital, the fire alarm went off, they started evacuating people (I was in the morgue, worst time it could have gone off), 6 trucks showed up. Turns out it was an electrical fire in the ceiling, good times. Then I was chatting with Dennis on MySpace, who I hadn't seen since high school Reveron's chemistry class, and we decided to hang out (figured out he lives in the same neighborhood as my mom, weird), so I went over there. We chilled and I had a damn good time. Stayed at my mom's house. Week of being completely single; hurt like a bitch, no one to talk to.

Sunday 5/6:: Worked 8-4. Garage door still broken. Then, well, long story but when I was little my family always had random people living with us, because, well, my mom always took people in and crap and for a long time my friend Vanessa and her mom, Nancy lived with us. They moved away to Canada when I was really young and I hadn't seen them since but for the week they had come to stay with my mom, so we all went out to dinner. It was cool, it had been at least 10 years since I saw her. Adam and I made plans to talk on Monday.

Monday 5/7:: Worked 10:30-??. Then I drove back down to Palm Harbor to Adam's apartment. We talked, it went better than I thought it would. I think (I hope) we can be friends, although forgetting 3 1/2 years of history will be extremely difficult. I figure I'd rather have him in my life as a friend versus not having him in my life at all. It wasn't really uncomfortable, but it was probably the most painful thing I've ever had to do. Left there and drove over to Thomas' house. Went out to dinner, then went to see Hot Fuzz (pretty damn funny, although a little too long for my attention span). Went back to his house & chilled.. I forgot how much I love that kid :) Then drove back to St.Pete.

Tuesday 5/8:: Day off. Woke up to my landlord knocking on my door to tell me that the other apartment that I was ready to sign the lease on (supposed to be today), they had put new ceiling fans in, so they upped the price from $695/mo. to $725/mo., which is total crap because thats like an extra $300+/year for some crappy ceiling fans. Anyways, I can't afford $725/mo. if my life depended on it, so I'm again out of a place to live. I keep getting royally fucked and I'm running out of time. (My mom is taking a day off on Thursday to help me go look.) Walked to the post office and then some other places for mothers day shopping. Ryan was supposed to come over, but he never showed up and I think his phone died. Ate Chinese food (fat bastard). Was MySpace messaged by someone who I hadn't talked to/seen in a year, & it wasn't pretty. Fuck that drama shit. Cleaned up around my apartment (kind of, lol). Drove over to Nick's house & hung out with Nick and Jackie for about an hour, drove home, writing a blog. Have to work in the morning. (I seriously spent over $200 on gas in the past 10 days, joy.)

I'm pretty much just tired of life, anyone want to put me in a coma?

I woke up today with a lit cigarette in my hand and a trail of ash on my bed.
I should have slept an hour longer.
Questions I need answered:

1. What is the lowest calorie alchohol, excluding beer?

2. How do I program my tv to NOT turn on at 3am everyday on the r&b channel?

3. Which two poems would be easiest to write a compare/contrast analysis on, with the added element of research (5 articles)?

4. How do I get speakers on this new computer to work.. since plugging in headphones works fine?

5. Is there anyway to temporarily numb your tastebuds?

6. How much do you think it would cost to get a tattoo of one word on the inside of my lip?

7. Do you have any suggestions for hidden piercings that I don't already have?

8. What is the cheapest way to fly to Amsterdam? (fly somewhere else, take a train, etc, etc)

9. What do you want to know about me?

10. How much would I have to pay you to do my homework for me or to clean my apartment? lol
1. i love the smell of summer getting near.
2. i feel like i can actually do it.. or get close this time.
3. i've procrastinated to the point that i have no time left to procrastinate with.
4. i need to get laid.
..4b. but i don't want to take off my clothes.
5. this month will prove to be the worst i've had in awhile.. socially speaking.
6. i have so many thought in my head that i feel i need to share, but i've discovered that i hate to share them.
7. i'm ready for my fresh start.
8. for the first time in my life i've been spending more than i can afford.
9. does anyone actually understand themself?
10. i can't wait to get a new bed.
11. i like being underwater because it makes me feel weightless.
12. i want to see tmnt.
13. most items in my closet are over 6 years old. :(
14. why am i not motivated in life?
15. the reality is, i shouldn't smoke so much pot.
..15b. the other reality is that i'm not going to stop.
16. i hate the color yellow. especially baby-yellow.
17. i'd rather sweat than listen to my loud air conditioner.
18. i want someone to buy me a tanning bed membership.. i think my skin is clear.
19. today i actually missed fsu. a lot.
20. i want to get my other toe re-pierced so my feet match!
21. i hope this new apartment works out.
22. i need a motivational speaker to follow me around.
23. my legs are so terribly, terribly bruised. i look like a 10 year old boy.
24. i can't wait to go to amsterdam.
25. i have no idea who i'm voting for in the presidential election.. and its really important to me.
26. i want a new hair style. i actually mean that this time.
27. if i had money and the choice between liposuction and a house.. i'd choose liposuction.
28. the internet has really put a damper on my social life and productivity.
29. i'm going to be 20 this year.. and that scares the shit out of me.
30. apparently my sat score was really high, and i always did well in school.. but lately i've felt pretty dumb.
31. i can't wait til the soulfound music video comes out. i hope i don't look retarded.
32. i am going to so many concerts in the near future.
33. i don't know if i like the person or the attention.
34. i make my relationships with people far more complicated than they actually are.
35. i need to completely cut sodium out of my diet. is that possible?
36. if i was hot enough, i'd consider being a gold-digging trophy wife. (confession #2)
37. the thoughts in my head are like a tape on repeat, i'm always thinking the same things. guess that makes me a simple-minded person?
38. i should be sleeping now, and theres no excuse why i'm not.

..on that note, i'm done at 38.
I sit down to write an entry about what has happened this week, about how insane things have gotten, and how positive and negative moments come in overwhelming bundles.. but then I realize that the stokes of my fingers on the keyboard will be in vain, that only I, although mostly no one, is interested. So I will merely say:

I needed this so much and you knew. Somehow from so far away, you knew. Once again you'll leave without so much as a promise to see me again, but we'll both know what is unspoken. That the relationships I chase and pursue are empty. I will cling on to what we have and what we don't, because I suppose it is what has kept me going for so long. Maybe you understand that, maybe you don't.. it doesn't matter. People can say what they want, they always do. They don't know, though, they don't even know you. I guess all I can really say is thank you. Someday in the future...

Fucking Shit.

I'm willing to trade my soul for a better life.
Any takers?

I really need to plan out the rest of my week, I have so much to do!

*go to post office to mail packages
*work 11-5ish?
*go to bank, deposit paycheck, check balance
*work on jazz lessons/tests
*read for literature

*class 11-1215
*work on jazz lessons/tests
*work on literature journals
*work on art assignments
*work on social problems paper

*Adam over for breakfast, watch LOST
*work on jazz lessons/tests
*work on literature journals
*work on art assignemts
*work on social problems paper
*Soulfound playing at ELHS dance, go with mom

*work 8-4
*make sure all homework is done!!
*FPU (Adams band)& Soulfound playing at Java Junction

*work 8-4
*art assignments 3&4 due!!
*jazz tests 1,2,&3 due!!
*do Jess' hair, put in her extentions

*work 1030-5ish
*finish all homework, because i know i didnt get it all done.
*study for social problems test!!!!
*grocery shopping

*class 11-1215.. journals due? (8 pages)
*class 2-450.. social problems test!!


doesn't that sound like a fun week? somebody help me!! i havn't had any time lately for friends... and im really sorry you guys!

..plus, i opened a selling livejournal, thats keeping me busy too!

Anyways, whats everyone doing for Valentine's Day??
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Adam has to work that night, so I'm doing a whole lotta nothing!

Yesterday I went bridesmaid-dress shopping with my cousin (I'm going to be in her wedding in June, and I'm really excited!) We picked out this dress:

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It was a fun day... until I started to get a headache. I'm used to having headaches, I honestly have one every single day. I've had brainscans, gotten my eyes tested, had x-rays, got tested for allergies, I mean everything. They can't find the cause, so I live with this fucking pain.

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Well, for Christmas I bought Adam tickets to see AFI. I was really excited about the show, and Justin and Katie had tickets too. So the three of them came over so we could go together. Well, in a matter of about 3 seconds my headache turned from normal everyday pain to fucking rip my eyeballs out of their sockets so I can inject Morphine directly into my brain kind of pain. I couldn't even open my eyes, light hurt so bad (even though it was night, the tv was off all the lights were off, and the shades were down). I made the three of them go to the show without me. They tried to sell my ticket but I guess they couldn't. The pain got so bad that I finally threw up. It was so unbearable. I have never, ever felt pain like that in my life. I was so pissed off, I wanted to go so bad. What a waste of money. Fuck.

In other news, I met up with my friend Tara today and went to Starbucks. She was one of my best friends in middle school, and we went to different high schools and didn't stay in touch. Last semester we had a class together at USF St.Pete, and we started hanging out again. Today we were talking about where we were going to go when our leases are up (May/June) and we were both saying how we want bigger places (we both live in studio apartments). So I was thinking that we could get a place together, a 2-bedroom. That would be cool, I think we would get along- especially since neither of us are ever home, we both work and go to school. We'll see what happens.

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God, I'm watching this stupid fucking show on MTV, Juvies, and its the dumbest thing I've ever seen, its probably worse than My Super Sweet 16. Juvie is nothing like this shit! People are crazy in there, trust me. Its not so nice, its not so clean, and people will kill you. Ohgod now that Next show is on.. do people really watch this shit? Its so cheesy. I remember when MTV played music!

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Jesse Camp= hot!

I'm done.

I forgot to mention: Katie and I have decided to become the best human beat-boxes in the world

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We've already started practicing, and we're going to go on tour. Just you wait!
Life has been complex and busy lately, but I guess its time for a real entry. [for the one, maybe two people who will actually read this]. So..

School started, as you know. I'm hoping to do really well this semester, I need to get my Bright Futures Scholarship back! I tried enrolling in the easiest classes that I could find, so I'm taking Intro to Literature, Contemporary Social Problems, Intro to Art [online], and Analysis of Jazz [online]. None of them seem too bad so far, although I havn't even logged on to my jazz class yet, oops. Haha. How great would it be to get straight A's? I havn't done that in a looong time.

As I've said before, I'm now working two jobs. Its insane. Theres always been two fields that I've wanted to get into, and now I'm in both: the funeral business and the music industry. I really hate to be working two jobs, especially with school, but I couldn't turn down either! Working at Moss Feaster Funeral Home is great. I work there on Saturdays and Sundays from 8am-4pm, which means no weekends for me. I hate waking up early! I do removals, and its a really interesting job. Feel free to ask questions, because I know you want to.

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My second job is for Fat Harry Productions. I'm pretty much his personal assistant, aka- the bitch, booking concerts, doing paperwork, and talking on the phone. Its a job that comes with a lot of perks, but its a lot of work too. So far I havn't had a set schedule, which sucks. I've been working like 3-4 days a week, and its getting really hectic. So tomorrow when I go in I'm going to ask for a set schedule, maybe only 2 or 3 days a week, because this 7-day-a-week schedule is starting to kill me. I'd love to have Fridays off!

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I never get to see Adam anymore and its starting to wear on me. He's got a crazy schedule too, he went back to school (finally!) He only has 2 classes, but he still has to go to school 4 days a week, art takes a lot of time. He got a job at the Melting Pot ..have I written an entry really similar to this one? I feel deja vu.. Our schedules don't match up at all. I fucking hate it.

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I havn't really been doing much other than school and work, because they're consuming my life. Katie and I took a 24-hour roadtrip to Tallahassee. It was crazy driving up and back in one day, but it was totally worth it. It was my friends' Amber and Ashley's birthday, so we surprised them... fun fun!!

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I wish I had more time for friends and family. I've been trying to make time for my mom, I can tell she's pretty lonely with my dad gone and everything. It really sucks. I feel bad for her and my sister, and I don't really have a lot of time to just go over there, especially since they're in Palm Harbor. But I try. Oh family, what drama.

I wish I had more money! Even with two jobs, I'm still always broke. I don't know how to break the cycle, it sucks! Bills bills bills, boo.

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Alright, I guess I'm done. Someone keep in touch with me! The only person I talk to is Katie!!! I love you all, seriously. XOXO

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i want to lay naked, keeping each other warm under the covers, with the windows open, listening to the rain and our battling heartbeats.

is it so cliche that i'm craving this with you more than even the most erotic encounter? i just wish we had that.
survey, don't know why i fill these out.

Well, my Mom had an aunt named Rose. ShannoRose, literally translated means "essence of the rose", so I guess I was named after an "anything" rather than an "anyone">

Last week.

Yes, I do. Unless I'm tired or writing really fast.

Tofurky!! (vegetarian lunch "meat") yummmmm


Probably not. I'm a serious bitch and I can be really annoying, but I do like that I speak my mind.

Of course not.

No, after a bad bad bad case of mono my tonsils got so big that they actually exploded in my throat, true story. Worst pain of my life.

Already have- love it!

I'm not much of a cereal person..


physically? yes, I have to be for work.

Again, I'm not much of an icecream person. Soft serve swirl if I had to choose, or that vegan ice cream, its pretty good.

physically? eyes and hair.

Red, I hate the color pink.

My lack of motivation in every area of life!

My cat.

Don't care.

I'm not wearing pants..or shoes! hahaha, barefoot& and b&w polka dotted skirt.

ummm... I havn't eaten yet today because I'm too lazy to wash my dishes. So, I guess the last thing I consumed was a Corona last night.

"Plastic Surgery Nightmares" on the tv in the background.

Cottonball. Is that a color? No? Well, its what came to mind.

"Princess" by Vera Wang, the smell of boys, the smell of a party, rose, and warm clean laundry

KT! whoooo

I found this survey by clicking "find users by random", fun fun.

FoI hate watching sports on tv, I'd rather be there... hockey.


blue. (Yes, I'm Hitler's dream).


I've been on a total Chinese food kick lately, I have not been eating healthy at all and it shows! :/


I made my mom watch "Little Miss Sunshine", that movie is funny as hell and reminds me of my own family.

A white "GO-GOs" shirt, its rad.


Both, at the same time!!

a chocolate bar.

no one.


Masterminds of Murder, Katie gave it to me for Xmas!.

I have a laptop, no mouse :)

I'm sure it was either Law&Order or Forensic Files, they're pretty much the only things I watch.

The trumpet, hands down.

Rolling Stones, definitly. I feel like I shouldn't admit this because its a total sin, but I'm not a fan of the Beatles, never have been.

Cali! :)

No. I'm lame.

Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut.

No one will reply, I already said that.

If we're talking tp, a folder... if not, no clue.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Stability |||||| 23%
Orderliness |||||| 26%
Accommodation |||||||||||| 50%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||| 16%
Mystical |||||| 30%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Narcissism |||||| 30%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Work ethic || 10%
Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||| 56%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 50%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63%
Wealth |||||||||||| 43%
Dependency |||||||||| 36%
Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63%
Cautiousness |||||| 23%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Physical Fitness || 10%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 43%
Vanity |||||||||||| 50%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 50%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
You know what I want to do more than anything in the world???...

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I've been searching for a team for so long, but its hard to find in Florida, since I believe its technically outlawed. I think its gorgeous, and I've heard its totally euphoric.

So when I do it, not if, will you come with me? Take photos? Suspend yourself??
send me pictures of beautiful people.
New Year.
New Job.
New Semester.
New Classes.

God Damnit, Shannon,
Fucking Do It Right This Time.

(with these shoes.)

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Obviously, surveys are rad.

Last CD bought ::Brand New's new album, I bought it for Laila for Xmas
Last song listened to ::Does the Law and Order theme count as a song?
Last movie watched ::Mr. & Mrs. Smith, last night.
Last store visited ::Beauty & Hair Supercenter, hah
Top 3 favorite movies ::Anything with Angelina Jolie or Christina Ricci
Last person you talked to ::Adam
Favorite American Idol 1 contestant ::
Favorite American Idol 2 contestant ::
Favorite American Idol 3 contestant ::
Favorite drink ::orange juice
Favorite food ::salad
Favorite fast food place ::taco bell, unless boston market counts
Favorite resturant ::consciousness blosoms or sweet tomatos
Favorite ice cream flavor ::chocolate, soft serve
Favorite scent ::Versace "Bright Crystals" or "Princess" by Vera Wang
Favorite sound ::trumpet
Favorite singer ::Christina Aguilera
Favorite band ::Hardest question ever
Why did you join LJ?Katie forced me... a long time ago.
Who's the most outgoing person on your friends list?http://ufcleatchaser.livejournal.com/profile
Who has the best personality on your friends list?http://sugarpunk.livejournal.com/profile
Where would you wanna be right now? (city)Sydney
If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?More wishes, duh, unlimited money, duh, and anyone I've ever lusted after... duh
Favorite number ::69.. tehe.
Favorite color ::orange?
Why are you filling this out?Obviously, surveys are still cool... like myspace, hah
Leave your number after the beep...BEEP!(727) 488-8475, you should know that. (stalk me please)
Favorite quote ::"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
Favorite type of music ::smooth jazz, oh yeah
Goal in life ::beauty and riches, baby.. beauty and riches

Forty-five steps to the liquor store
Just another breakdown that I can't afford
But can't worry about tomorrow's pain tonight
Forty-five minutes it'll all be gone
I'll be strapped to the tap like nothing's wrong
Can't worry about tomorrow's pain tonite

These days, these nights are so ordinary
These days, these nights

Smoke-filled room, conversations slow
Just leave me alone with the radio
Can't worry about tomorrow's pain tonight

End of the tunnel couldn't light my path
Soles worn down still running fast
Can't worry about tomorrow's pain tonight

Possessions never make good friends
You can throw it all away
Freedom is the race to your new beginning
Possesions never made much sense
Confessions never made much sense to me
i want boys to scream at me.

soft lips and harsh words.

"lets set the stage on fire... Hollywood will be jealous."

don't call me the next morning.

you've all i've ever wanted.

pure fucking lust, you dumb whore.
boys and girls and everyone in between.

bring it on, fucker.
Dear God/Karma/Mother Earth/Whoever the Fuck You Are,

Please stop making bad stuff happen to me and the people I love. We can't take it anymore and we all really need a break. If you need to hurt or kill people, please only hurt rapists. You're crushing all the innocent people, and we need them here on earth. Why are you making everyone's lives take a turn for the worse?! I know that the human race has destroyed your beautiful planet, but we're all so sorry. Please stop punishing us, we're learning and trying to be better people. We promise to wear our seatbelts and smile at people we don't know. Promise! ...Just please make it all better... please?!

Halloween 2006
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deathscall's Halloween party:

____n0tyourstar dressed as a character from "On the Waterfront".
___apeshit dressed as a Forbes & Hurrell NetworkCorporation employee.
___eternalxlove dressed as the Giant Power Ranger.
_desastre dressed as your mother.
_intothinair dressed as the Governor of Hawaii, though it looked more like a invitation.
_peroxide_ dressed as a bouncy pixie.
_shakeyourspear dressed as the main character of "The Exorcist".
_this_fire_47 dressed as a lame eyebrow.
alyx_is_gone forgot to put on clothes!
angel_inside69 dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Coalition of the Armor.
anorexicretard dressed as a skeleton.
behindmyback dressed as a new superhero: Dream -streak.
blackestdove dressed as a Vertical Synergical ConnectivityIncorporated employee.
blacksilentears dressed as Winona Ryder.
blitzkreig dressed as Yu-Gi-Oh.
blitzkreig_____ dressed as Alicia Keys's father.
bloodshot_mia dressed as John Quincy Adams.
bonesofwar dressed as a diplomat from Nigeria, though it looked more like the Duke of Valukquadroamide.
brandnew_star dressed as a 1960's hippie child.
brghtstaratnite dressed as a kicker for the Cardinals.
c0uture_x_queen dressed as Uhura from "Star Trek", though it looked more like something saving, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
deathscall dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Roberta.
denison216 dressed as James King.
destinymayhem gets drunk, strips naked, and somehow emerges dressed as Wolfgang Puck's mother.
diskey dressed as Marilyn Manson.
dottiesize0 didn't dress up, spoilsport.
drivefromhere dressed as a elk.
emptyxobsession dressed as Karl Rove.
fictionalmuse dressed as a bottle of Vantfetim, though it looked more like Wesley Crusher from "Star Trek".
flatterylies dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Cauldron of Triumph.
forcedbeauty dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Friendly Hunter.
gerardarthurway dressed as something rubber, but what, specifically, you can't tell, and it suited them all too well.
greek87 dressed as a software engineering department janitor.
hailz_nz dressed as Pamela Anderson.
heartandsol dressed as the Cardinal of Mylogar.
heavymetal4life dressed as a pixie.
horrorxbusiness dressed as a belt.
i_live_in_a_box didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
inhopesofskinny dressed as a catcher for the Blue Jays.
innocentboye69 dressed as a cup of coffee.
irishparagon dressed as the Earl of Thingade.
jadelyann dressed as a hooker.
jeremy_b dressed as Thandie Newton.
knivesforteeth dressed as a Level 6 barbarian.
knowyourright dressed as someone who just poked themselves in the eye.
kuntacore dressed as a ghost.
love_me_ana dressed as a 1970's disco child.
lunachica dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
meagles5 dressed as something prime, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
misplaced_ice dressed as the Viscount of Gallaheropolis.
murderof0ne didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
nolechica dressed as the Governor of New Jersey.
osako forgot to put on clothes!
peenk_candy dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Violent Prophet.
pink1 dressed as Joe Montana, though it looked more like a rubber frost.
plasticnitrogen dressed as Barbra Streisand.
psecret8 dressed as Tori Amos.
riotqueen dressed as a cat, though it looked more like a DPSS & Co. employee.
shinningstar12 dressed as a second baseman for the Mariners, though it looked more like a scaly witch.
shootinstaro0o0 dressed as the love child of Elvis Presley and Mia Hamm.
silent_rrriot dressed as Yoda.
silicov dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Doris.
sincerityinlies dressed as a new superhero: Dawn Lion.
skinny_ana dressed as a can of Coke.
sloove dressed as Abraham Lincoln.
smoothmeggo dressed as Jessica Simpson.
starkidchrissy dressed as Toni Braxton.
stupidity_eats dressed as a bottle of Cerelevecit.
sugarpunk dressed as a angel.
sunbaby05 dressed as Space Ghost.
sunshineguinn dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
thirdeyecrowbar dressed as the love child of Woody Harrelson and Gwyneth Paltrow.
this_is_for_ana dressed as Worf from "Star Trek", and it suited them disturbingly well.
touchxoverated_ dressed as a cyclone.
towelbot dressed as Ricky Martin riding a eagle, though it looked more like a mummy.
ufcleatchaser dressed as a Level 14 thief.
velvetlinning dressed as Oprah Winfrey, though it looked more like Pamela Anderson.
want2behappy21 dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Cheeseball Lizardbrain".
want2betiny dressed as Hillary Clinton.
whats2over3 dressed as a elk.
whiterteeth dressed as Optimus Prime.
x_storyofagirl dressed as James Garfield.
xserialdaterx dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Oprah Toiletbrains".

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense
how to pass a urine drug test without using someone elses piss?
adam moved in with me.

hes only staying until he gets his feet on the ground, financially- but it was a huge thing. still is actually. things are so fucking confusing, i havnt even put effort into figuring them out. i feel like his mother figure, and i hate it.
after this, after that, im pretty much done with men. im just not compatable with them. i havnt lost attraction, just connection- and i dont think its coming back. i can honestly say id much rather fall into the arms of a female; male emotions conflict too greatly with my own. i want to be with someone who is more delicate than i. I want to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, I want to just be... Be without existing.

as i get older, and reflect back I'm noticing a trend in my life. when all ive ever wanted is to forget that i exist, to float in a state of nothingness, all events and people have done the opposite. everyone has always been bound and determined to make sure i witness every moment of my existance. everytime i begin to float off, to feel weightless and complete, someone ties a rope around my ankle and drags me so forcefully back to reality that every bone in my body feels the impact. I'm so sick of that feeling.
I've always wanted to watch my life from the outside, to be aware of the plot twists, to get to know the characters, to scream at myself when im about to open the wrong door.
But no. Here I am, living every moment.. feeling every feeling, and yet still not understanding my role, my character, myself.

im leaving for the keys on thursday, it should be fun. think of me on friday the thirteenth as im scuba diving in open water.
Joseph Butts is in jail in Franklin County, Mo., the result of being caught with 338 pounds of marijuana in a traffic stop, but according to an August St. Louis Post-Dispatch report, he informed the arresting officer that hassling him would be a "hate crime" because he was a special courier transporting religious instruments between member monasteries of the Church of Cognizance, which uses marijuana as a sacrament. [Times Union (Albany), 8-10-06] [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 8-16-06]

About 1,000 animals were scheduled to be dug up from Pet's Rest cemetery in Colma, Calif., after owners realized that their lease had run out (June). And the Green River Cemetery in Greenfield, Mass., began hurriedly moving and re-burying bodies, which had begun sliding down a muddy slope into the river (July). And about 100 skeletons were recently unearthed from an old graveyard beneath the St. Joseph's Church, which the Archdiocese of Boston demolished in 2004 and sold (July). And the city of London, England, began selling used burial sites (for the equivalent of about $5,600), offering to inter bodies on top of previous burials and to re-mark gravestones with new names (July). [San Francisco Chronicle-AP, 6-14-06] [WTOP (Washington, D.C.)-AP, 7-24-06] [Boston Herald, 7-7-06] [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-4-06]

And in June, the Motion Picture Association of America, for the first time ever, announced that it was rating a film PG (Parental Guidance) not for any sex, violence or bad language, but just because it is too openly religious (the film "Facing the Giants," starring Georgia preacher Alex Kendrick). [Inland Valley Daily Bulletin (Ontario, Calif.), 6-9-06] [WBOC-TV (Salisbury, Md.)-AP, 6-22-06]
lol@ not even knowing what half of these pictures stand for.... i know i dont have "anal sex" as one of my interests... hahahaha! XOXO

My Interests Collage!Collapse )
Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424
1. i want more voice comments.

2. we snuck into the movies and saw Snakes on a Plane.

3. The Angels & Airwaves cd is amazing.

4. I'm tired of work, I'm tired of school already.

5. my apartment is the messiest its ever been.

6. dishes is my least favorite chore.

7. i'm broke but i want to do something FUN this weekend.

8. no one ever wants to hang out anymore.

9. i got pulled over for the first time last night. no ticket, thank buddah.

10. i really enjoy grocery shopping.

11. who wants to smoke me out this weekend?

12. i can't wait for october!

13. i always start a million projects i can't finish.

14. i hate "normal life".

15. i hate obligations.

16. i STILL need a haircut.

17. seventeen is a good number to end this on.
Hello Dolls!!
I know that I've been slacking on updating, but with lack of internet access, I don't get on much.
How is everyone?

I'm still working at Carino's Italian... and still hating it! I just had them cut back my hours, I was working over 45 hours a week and going to school full time too! Thats too much for me!

School started on Monday. Its ok so far, but I've never been a fan of school!
I'm taking:
Liberal Arts Math
I like math, except for college algebra, and this class seems interesting.
We're learning about the math involved in voting right now.
My professor is from West Africa!

This is the class thats over my head, it seems hard & boring!
I was 2 hours late to class, so I don't even know what to think!
Social Welfare
...This class could go either way, Idk yet!

I've run into a few people that I havn't seen since middle school, its crazy!

I bought a new car!!! Its a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am (my second grand am, I love them!) I'm so excited, I get to pick it up Saturday!!

Speaking of Saturday- Ten 13 Concept with Truly Sunday!! Yayyy!! I'm definitly taking Laila, I can't wait!!

I miss the Grapefruit Gang soooo much- hopefully I'll be roadtripping to Tally soon in my new car!!

Ug, theres so much more I wanted to update on, but I have to go to work, so maybe when I get off. I love you all- keep in touch!! I havn't heard from or seen anyone in a long time!!

So Halloween is quickly approaching. Its the only holiday that I actually enjoy celebrating, so the planning begins now.

I vote a HUGE (200+ ppl) Halloween costume party... live band? costume contest, candy, drugs & alcohol. Maybe I can kick my parents out of their house for a night- you think? ...maybe not, we'll see.

WHAT AM I GOING TO BE?!?!? ..must start dieting & sewing now.

gr. first day of school.
Weekend Photo Post

This is What We Live ForCollapse )
I have 'hair experts' [clare, jessica, marley, tony, you know who you are] on my friends list, so somebody better reply.

hair. bored.

it still looks like my main myspace (myspace.com/shannoisdead) picture, but the underneath has faded. i need a change. i like the multi-color look but i need a new cut.

im thinking of just getting a razor blade and going to town on it. someone should probably prevent that...

i think i want the blonde to be shorter than the black... i want to keep the back long but i want hair that i can tease to death. please notice: i HATE short hair, don't suggest it. i like shaggy hair, choppy hair, teased hair... messy hair. i cant have any crazy colors unless theyre chunks or extensions that i can tuck in/hide, and i have to be able to wear it up for work :( limited i know. im trying to stay away from a scene-look, but gah its so hard.

...anyone have any hair style suggestions/ photos/ random crap?

pretty much what it looks like now:
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BORING. Sorry for the crappy-camwhore-im-ugly photos, they showed my hair the best.
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^i attempted a tease-and-pomp, but my hair is too silky and too straight to accomplish anything i think... yes, im complaining about silky silky hair...its boring, trust me.

i hate that the blond and black chunky and teased hair style is trendy and scene now, because i love it... and xtina pulled off blonde and black better than the scene skanks, but anyways- i like the hair, leave me alone.
things i like:
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^i hate her bangs, but i love how the dark is long... i think my hair is a little longer than her longest strands.
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^minus the bangs again, i dont like the straight across look.
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^i know what you're thinking, but seriously she is hot so get over it. seriously, thats the hair i want but idk if i can pull it off.
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^its HUGE and i LOVE it.
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^i think this girl is literally the hottest chick on the planet, i just thought i would add that.

gr. input.
my cell phone just died mysteriously. :(

no internet, no phone, no tv. hmmm.

hopefully ill have another one by tomorrow. other than that, good luck getting ahold of me, i have to go to campus to get on the internet.

oh, and if you can believe it... i still have a lot of beer left over.
All I want for my birthday

is the love of my life back.

I've never found anything that describes this better.

"Mostly Memories"

I can't seem to recognize, either side of this modern version or
fading person i was, i tried to memorize dates and times of old
accidents and the failed attempts now, i'm still afraid of those
mistakes i've made. i'm mostly memories, most missed
opportunities, mostly minor tragedies, i'm mostly you and me.

i'm mostly memories, mostly missed opportunities, mostly
abnormalities, i'm mostly you and me, and you and you and
me. i can't seem to recognize, either side of my conversations or
contemplations i've done, i've tried to memorize the truth and
lies, of the facts and fictions and the half truth admissions i've
done. i'm still afraid of those mistakes i've made. i'm mostly
memories, mostly missed opportunities, mostly minor tragedies,
i'm mostly you and me. i'm mostly memories, mostly missed
opportunities, mostly abnormalities, i'm mostly you and me,
and you and you and me.

out of luck and had enough out of trust and out of touch, out of time i'm hanging up i'm mostly memories, mostly missed opportunities, mostly minor tragedies, i'm mostly you and me. i'm mostly memories, mostly missed opportunities, mostly abnormalities, i'm mostly you and me, and you and you and me.

Thank you Less Than Jake.
Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I cant stand you
This is where the road crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we're barely breathing
A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore

Curse my enemies forever
Lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that leads us past the lives that we destroy

I listen to you cry
I cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I'm pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with blood
From trying not to speak
So search for an excuse
And someone to believe you
In foreign dressing rooms
I'm empty with the need to

Curse my enemies forever
Lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation is leaving me overjoyed
With fading lights that leads us past the lives that we destroy

Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I cant stand you

Ska Solves Everything.

"Everything Sucks"- Reel Big Fish

there's a ska band on my street, a little ska band
everybody thinks that they're so $#&%!# neat,
there was nothin' on the radio
was gonna make my own band, play my own shows
but that don't work so i' givin' up again,
she said she loved me cause i played guitar
that's ok, i didn't love her at all and i say...

i'm givin' up
i know everything sucks, and this is gonna be the last
time you hear me complain

well, i went down to the show
everybody was there, i didn't wanna go
cause everything they do is so $#&%!# cool, every
song is a hit and the girls like 'em too, i can't
do that so
i'm givin' up again...i don't know why i learned
to play guitar, nobody's gonna know who we are and
i say...

i'm givin' up
i know everything sucks
and this is gonna be
the last time you hear
me complain

(s)he said, some day,
we'll get back
together maybe
she said, some day
things'll be much
better baby
but i don't believe her
and i don't think
i need her anymore...

i know everything sucks
and this won't be the last
time you hear me complain.
to cry myself to sleep.

Last night Adam called my mom at 330 am to tell her that I was going to kill myself. So now my mother is worried about me. I don't want anyone to be worried about me. I just want life to go away... and stay away. She wants to put me back in the hospital; to BakerAct me again. I don't want that. Do I need it? I don't know... but I don't want it. It didn't help last time, and it won't help this time. Being locked in a cage doesn't help anyone. She offered to take me to my therapist again, but I simply don't have time. My new job starts tomorrow, and I'll be living about an hour from his office. Plus, I've noticed lately that talking about things does not make them better. It doesn't solve anything. It doesn't even make me feel better about them.

I just want it all to end, I just want it all to stop. I want the pain to go away, I want to find peace. I don't want to give it time, I don't want to wait it out. I want it to be all better.

I probably shouldn't admit this because I know you'll all use it against me, but I started cutting again last night. My legs and my stomach. I forgot how good it feels to distract from the emotional pain. Don't judge me. Don't try to save me. Just let me deal with my life right now.

Everything is coming at once. A new job, a new apartment, a new town, a new break-up, a new school. I hate the saying "When it rains, it pours" because it applies perfectly to my life. Except I would say "when it rains, it deluges." Either everything is wonderful, or everything sucks beyond belief. And its an endless cycle of ups and downs. If my life is going great, I know I have to prepare because shit is coming down fast.

I just want him back. Its all I want. ...but I know it probably won't happen... so where do I go from here? What do I do now? I ask myself this every day, and every day I come up with the same answer: I have no fucking idea. Do I hold on to the non-existant hope that he may come back? Do I give myself time to grieve? Do I keep myself busy? Do I forget that the past 3 years of my life even happened? What the fuck am I supposed to do?!? I know none of you have answers... Hell, I don't even know half the people who will read this, but if you have any advice, any comments, any viewpoint, I would love to hear it. I'm desperate for anything.

I just want to stop hurting. Physical pain is so much easier to deal with. I hate emotions, I hate love, I hate hate.

I went to see one of our family-friends, Ms.Carol today. She has suffered from a huge variety of ailments for a very long time. She has seizures really bad. She has an assistant dog, Lindsey, who can predict her siezures (she is the most amazing, most intelligent dog I've ever met). Anyways, she had surgery yesterday (she has had something like over 150 surgeries in her life just to give you an idea of how bad she's suffered...). So I went with my mom today to see her. The thing about Ms.Carol that always gets me is that she is so positive. She is in more pain than any of us could ever imagine, and yet she always has a smile on her face. She is so loving and so caring even though the world has been so horrible to her. It just makes me feel so selfish that I think my life sucks. I wish I could have the outlook on life that she does, but I know I never will. Very few of us ever will... She is an amazing person and I love her very much.

Anyways, my mom "hung out" with me today. I know she's concerned and she doesn't know what to do, but I never feel comfortable talking to her. We talked for about an hour, most of which I spent crying. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to express how I feel. I just feel like everything sucks and I want it to stop. I want the earth to stop spinnning and I want to get off of it. We went to see 'The Devil Wears Prada'. It was pretty good, but I almost broke down at the end. Movies (except the 'Break-up') always turn out so great in the end. They're nothing like real life and I hate it. But then again, seeing the Break-up wasn't wonderful either because having a sad ending is too much like real life. Ug.

I want to express everything that I feel. I want to get it out... I just don't know how. I don't have a healthy release. Talking is the worst "release" I've ever used. It almost makes me feel worse.

Something artistic maybe. God, idk.

I better try to get some sleep (it won't happen, I'll spend the night in tear staring at the razor blades), but I have to get up tomorrow to run errands before my first day at work. Wish me luck... and please pray that I don't break down while I'm there. I hope I don't have to serve any couples being mushy or celebrating an anniversary... I'll probably die.